


heart shaped box

by withoutwords



Series: Ballum Tumblr Fics [10]
Category: EastEnders (TV)
Genre: Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Secrets
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-04
Updated: 2020-12-04
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:21:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,123
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27875985
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/withoutwords/pseuds/withoutwords
Summary: Ben doesn’t mean to see the letter. He brings a pile into Cokers and it’s sitting on top: Mr. Callum Highway, addressed from Walford General. He’s sure it’s nothing - probably a phyical he has to take for this dream of his of becoming a copper.It’s definitely nothing.
Relationships: Callum "Halfway" Highway/Ben Mitchell
Series: Ballum Tumblr Fics [10]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2040865
Kudos: 52





	heart shaped box

**Author's Note:**

> for a prompt in which callum has a health scare and ben wakes up to how much he loves him

Ben doesn’t mean to see the letter. He brings a pile into Cokers and it’s sitting on top: Mr. Callum Highway, addressed from Walford General. He’s sure it’s nothing - probably a phyical he has to take for this dream of his of becoming a copper.

It’s definitely nothing.

“Alright?” Callum says as he comes out of Jay’s office, smiling and leaning over his desk to give Ben a smacking kiss.

“Hi. You want to go for lunch?”

Callum falters when he spots the mail, Ben can see the way his smile drops. “Uh, yeah,” he says, stuffing the letter in the drawer and straightening himself up. “Sounds good. You paying?”

“Oh, I see how it is,” Ben jokes, tamping down the feeling of worry in his gut. “You just want me for my money.”

“Yeah, yeah, let’s go Daddy Warbucks.”

It must be nothing.

*

Ben let’s it go for a few days. Callum seems his normal self - no weird moods, no disappearing, no obvious lies. Ben’s been going over everything in his head; a letter from the hospital that he wanted to hide from everyone, even Ben?

If it was about the police, surely it wouldn’t be secret. If it was about the army, or his injuries, wouldn’t he want to talk to Ben about that? They’d had long late night chates about so much of their lives - Callum had told Ben how good it felt to get it all off his chest.

So if he thinks he can’t tell Ben about this, what is it?

Is he sick?

“So, uh, I saw you got a letter from the shopital the other day,” Ben tells Callum over breakfast one morning. When he sees Callum’s expression go dark he quickly adds, “I didn’t mean to, it was just in front of me and I …”

“Yeah, no, it’s fine. It was just a follow up appointment after they had to dismiss me.”

“Right. When’s the appointment, I can come with you?”

“No, no, it’ll be fine,” Callum says, but he’s not meeting Ben’s eye. “Just a quick visit, I’ll be in and out on me lunch break.”

Ben nods. He wants to believe it’s nothing.

*

Ben let’s it eat at him for too long. In the end it’s just a few beers and a quiet night in that does it. They’ve got Lexi, and Callum reads her a story and puts her to bed and watching his two favourite people whisper to each other pushes him over the edge.

“Please tell me the truth,” he says to Callum the moment Lexi’s bedroom door is closed. He pulls Callum to him by his shirt.

“Ben, what?”

“The hospital.” Callum tries to pull away but Ben keeps a stronghold. “I know it ain’t about your injuries, so what is it? Are you sick?”

“No,” Callum insists, and this time when he pulls away he gets free. Ben follows him downstairs to the kitchen where he goes for a glass in the cupboard. “It’s nothing, alright?”

“You keep saying that but I know you’re lying.”

“Ben, please.”

“Just tell me! Why can’t you tell me?”

“Because it’s personal!” Callum shouts, and the words slice through Ben hot. “I don’t want to talk about it. Why do you gotta push?”

“Because I’m your boyfriend!”

The word seems to take all the anger from Callum’s body and he deflates. “Yeah, right, well, as my boyfriend, can you just let it go? Please?”

No, Ben wants to say, but doesn’t. “I’m scared,” he says into the dark, and realises he means it more than he almost ever has. He’s terrified of the idea of Callum going through it alone - of choosing to go through it alone when he’s got Ben right there.

What does that mean?

Doesn’t Callum feel the same way?

“You ain’t got nothing to be scared about,” Callum tells him, coming over to wrap his arms around Ben and pull him close. “I promise ya.”

*

Ben fell in love with Callum somewhere between a stolen kiss and a heady date. He thought there might have been a moment that he’d realise - something warm or intimate or important. But it’s happened, and as much as that scares him, the thought of not having Callum at all scares him more.

“Hey,” Callum says to him as they’re tangled up together on the couch. “What’re you thinking about so serious?”

“You,” Ben tells him honestly.

“Aw, that’s nice. What'dya wanna do to me?”

Ben elbows him. “Pervert. I meant thinking about what’s going on with you.”

“Is this about the hospital?”

“No, it’s about ya funny ears.”

“Ben,” Callum says heavily, detangling himself and sitting up. “I told ya - ”

“And that’s all good for you, but I gotta live with not knowing every day,” Ben says, and he can hear how desperate he sounds but can’t stop. “And you told me not to worry, Cal, but I’m so damn outta my mind with worry no matter what ya say so - so -”

“It’s for therapy, Ben,” Callum spits out, digging at his eye with the heel of his hand. “I’m having counselling and I couldn’t tell ya ‘cause it felt … I donno … I didn’t want you to think I wasn’t happy because I am, I’m the happiest I’ve been in so long and I …”

“Hey, hey, hey,” Ben grabs for Callum, pulling him in for a hug and feeling a million feelings wash over him. Relief, guilt, love. “You don’t - you got nothing to worry about.”

“I know it’s good for me, I know it’s helping,” he mutters into Ben’s shoulder. “But it still feels strange, ya know? Growing up in my family, and, and in the army talking about that stuff makes ya weak…”

“You ain’t,” Ben says, squeezing him tigher. “You’re amazing you, you’re amazing.”

Callum scoffs, but he doesn’t pull away. They stay like that, wrapped in each others arms for so long that Ben loses track of time. “THank you,” Callum says eventually, fingers threading softly through Ben’s hair. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell ya, I just - I guess I didn’t want ya to worry but then I made you worry, I’m an idiot.”

“No,” Ben tells him firmly, pulling away enough that they can looks each other in the eyes. “You’re no idiot, and you ain’t weak and it don’t mean nothing that you’re talk to someone. It just means you’ve survived so much you need help working it all out. It’s good. Its really good.”

Callum has tears in his eyes now, his smile soft, and when he leans in to give Ben a soft kiss, Ben understands everything it means. They don’t need to say anything right now. There’s no rush.

They’re not going anywhere.


End file.
